After getting out of a relationship, sometimes the thought of getting back into a relationship remains just that, a thought. We can become immobilized with indecision, because we fear that we’ll make a character mistake again, or that we won’t listen and honor the nudges from our intuition telling us if she or he’s good for us or not. So how do we discern which little voice in our head is our intuition speaking, and which voices are just that—noises of self-loathing, self-derision, self-denial, self-absorption, and self-esteem?
Mars Venus often finds when one relationship ends, we find ourselves going over its demise with a fine tooth comb, trying to figure out who to blame for our anything but fairytale ending. Often, the only true answers we can find are the ones that come from within ourselves—our memory and our interpretation of what happened. And at the very heart of this is our trust. Is it still intact? Do we trust our “self” not to make a mistake again? Can we trust other people enough to be vulnerable again? Are we ready to step out and trust other people? Or do we need to first turn inward and address repairing the trust between us and our true “self” (aka our intuition)?
In our hurry to get back into dating to find someone who is compatible, we often put a lot of undue pressure on ourselves. And when we’re putting this unnecessary pressure on our “selves” it is hard to discern the good apples from the bad. There’s a myth that we think we need to accept every date offer. Mars Venus tells us, we have to listen to our inner voice. If we listen to this faulty belief, we can end up turning away from our intuition, when it’s there to help us. If we act on intuition we neither waste our time, nor get hurt by people that are not healthy for us.
So how do you listen to your intuition?
- Trust your “self.” What does this mean? If you get a sensation that someone is not telling you the truth when they stand you up, are setting up the date, or cancel on you…listen. Don’t go on another date with them. If you feel physically ill, you get a bad feeling, something doesn’t feel right…listen. Your intuition gives you these cues constantly. If you don’t trust the conversations you’re having in your head, then listen to all of the other ways your intuition tells you if a situation or person is good or bad for you.
- Be gentle with your “self.” What I mean by this is take care of your mind and your body. If you do not feel up to going out, then don’t. If you are beating yourself up for eating too much or not being attractive enough, or not being good enough. Stop. This incessant chatter in your head, of comparing yourself to others prevents you from picking up on the intuitive cues that let you know if the people in your life are good for you or not. If there’s too much pressure, and negative chatter, then it is very hard to hear the truth bells.
- Focus on genuine connection rather than being afraid to be alone. If you’re unsure of how to listen to your body’s cues, then surround yourself with the people in your life that make you feel loved, cherished, and valued. They resonate with you, and are in-synch with your higher self’s intentions. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to caring friends and family to reconnect yourself with the part of you that believes in your happiness and well-being. If you do not have people in your life right now, then focusing on developing quality friendships may be more beneficial, than losing yourself in a dating relationship. If you are dating, because you do not want to be alone; then you may find yourself staying in a toxic relationship. And, because you haven’t been listening to your intuition in the first place, then you may stay too long.
Your intuition never leaves you. However, sometimes we forget we’ve turned the volume down, because we were listening to the other competing voices trying to convince us why we should do things against our better judgment. In that case, just turn the volume back up. And, when you’re in a relaxed state, listen to your body’s cues on who resonates best with you when you first meet a potential date. Stick around only when it’s clear to your “self” that all is well. Otherwise, keep looking, listening, and believing that there is someone compatible for you.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
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