Did you recently break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Were you hoping for a clean break, but instead it has been anything but clean, because after all you had time and your heart invested in the relationship? Did you know that men and women respond differently after a break up?
Mars Venus believes men, generally speaking, jump into their next relationship, typically before they’ve resolved their feelings or found closure from their previous relationship.
Typically, it takes longer for women to process and emotionally heal from break-ups, before they begin dating again.
For both Martians and Venusians, if we do not heal emotionally before moving on, then we will carry these wounds into our new relationships. This includes past family issues that we have blocked, ignored, or shoved away from ourselves.
The quickest way I have found to work through unresolved emotional blocks is to use the Feeling Letter Exercise. John Gray, Ph.D., suggests using this exercise to work through the negative emotional layers so you can fulfill the love need that did not occur with any given situation that has you feeling emotionally blocked. First ask yourself if you ever experience feeling angry, sad, embarrassed, fearful, guilty, jealous or shameful about your previous relationship. If you feel any of these feelings, then you are emotionally blocked.
The Feeling Letter exercise, which is a segment of the extensive Mars Venus Coaching training, consists of three letters: a Feeling Letter, a Response Letter, and a Completion Letter. During this exercise you write the first letter to the person you have unresolved negative feelings about. In the response letter you respond back as if you were that person apologizing and giving you the love you needed at that time. The completion letter is you writing back as yourself to this person acknowledging the apology, forgiving, and receiving the love that you had hoped for. The point is that in practicing forgiveness you are returning the love that you had not received back to yourself. Forgiving is for you, not the other person, and is not for sharing with them. It is so you can start over and move on to your next relationship, without attached baggage.
Using a Mars Venus Coach to facilitate your progress through using this Feeling Letter exercise is helpful for you to troubleshoot and move through these feelings quickly. It is good to have someone well-versed in using this exercise to help you get unstuck, if you find yourself so angry you have trouble finishing the first letter.
In John Gray’s books the entire exercise is written out. If you do choose to use the Feeling Letter Exercise, then make sure you only stop after you’ve written out all three letters. Plan enough time and only start the exercise if you can finish all three. Otherwise you risk getting stuck in the negative downward spiral as you work your way through the negative emotions. If this happens, the rest of your day can go south, because you didn’t finish flushing out these emotions and getting to the reciprocal side of love, forgiveness, trust, respect, and acceptance.
For more information and ideas about starting over after a difficult break-up go to Mars and Venus On a Date by John Gray, Ph.D. If you do not have a lot of time, then try out either eWorkshop from the comfort of your home and on your own time: Mars and Venus on a Date or Mars and Venus Starting Over. Once you are happy by yourself, and you no longer let old wounds from the past hold you back, then you are ready to find the love of a lifetime.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
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