By Carmelia Ray, Your Tango, May 11th 2012.
Be careful what you do in the first few weeks!
Ahhhh, you’re in a new relationship and all things seem so wonderful! You may be feeling those butterflies in your stomach, you laugh at all your partner’s jokes, and all feel warm and tingly inside. This is the time that you truly feel and believe that you may have met the right one!
Maybe he seems to display all the qualities about what women really want in a man. But, we’ve also been there and done that. All new relationships feel great, which is why we call it the honeymoon phase.
That phase doesn’t last forever. Your relationship evolves over time, and you want to get off on the right foot. The following five tips will help guide and nourish your relationship in the early stages with your new partner.
1. Act natural. At any stage, it’s important that you are always yourself. But the beginning of a relationship is especially not the time to pretend to be someone that you’re not. If you are not yourself, you will have a very difficult time pretending to be someone that you’re not for the entirety of the relationship.
An example of pretending to be someone else would be if you said that you liked to travel when you are afraid of flying. You can only make up a certain number of excuses before your partner clues in to the fact that you don’t like to fly or travel.
If you are going above and beyond and in essence being “phony” just to impress your partner in the early stages, well you’re only making things difficult on yourself because your new beau actually believes that you are sweet and romantic all the time. The minute that you start to relax and return to your normal average niceness, it will be noticed immediately.
I’ve heard countless complaints from couples and singles about how their partner changed over time. Well he “used to” open car doors for me and bring me flowers and all of a sudden one day it stopped. Please do yourself a favor and do not false advertise. This is a sure way for your relationship to come to an eventual end, and will leave you looking for advice on relationship problems.
You are at the early stage of a relationship. If you are thinking long term, you will have lots of time to impress your partner and give them attention and affection and occasional surprises for the length of the relationship. If you pull out all the stops up front, you will be struggling and challenged to keep it up.
If you are yourself, you are comfortable and natural and this goes a lot further than pretending to be someone you’re not. You will come across as phony and also confuse your partner when you stop with the charade. If your goal is to be in a long-term relationship, then you would want to know that your new partner really likes you for who you truly are and accepts you as is …
2. Be clear. In the early stages you want to make sure that you have very open communication. If you are always clear about your goals, your likes, your dislikes, and your feelings, you will always know where you stand in that relationship. It is not a time to “hide” things from your partner.
If you have certain habits and regular activities such as smoking, or a regular card night with the boys, or going to Church on Sundays, then you want to be honest and upfront and share with your partner things that are important to you and anything that is routine in your life. It is extremely important to communicate and be very clear about your relationship goals.
If you are not looking for a long-term relationship or you are only interested in a marriage partner and want to have kids and a family right away, you want to make sure that you are on the same page. This doesn’t mean that you scare this person off by sharing popular baby names for boys or looking in the Real Estate section of your newspaper asking what your partner thinks of the new house you’d like to move into.
It just means that before you start to invest time, feelings and financial resources on your partner, make sure that you agree on the important things and that you share core values.
3. Go with the flow. Communication and trust are the foundations of any successful relationship. You can read all about the do’s and don’ts and read all the rules out there about dating and still be completely lost or feel that it may not apply to your situation. Everyone’s views on relationships vary slightly, or greatly, so the best advice I can share with you is to go with the flow and also listen to your gut.
You should always be in tune with how this person makes you feel. What does your gut say? What are your thoughts about this person and what are your thoughts about relationships in general? If you’ve been hurt in the past, do not make the mistake of stereotyping your partner as a cheater, or treating them as if they’re guilty because you lack trust.
Learn from your past experiences and don’t repeat them. You are in a new situation with a totally different person, so playing the comparison game is not good. Remember to always have fun and take things lightly. This is an exciting time, so enjoy every moment and don’t forget these essential tips to help you through this amazing time!