Earlier this year, we wrote some articles on Mars Venus Coaching website, mentioning love vitamins, and filling our own love tank when we notice we’re running out of gas. The world’s best-selling relationship author, Dr. John Gray, breaks ages and stages (developmental time periods) into what he calls “The Ten Time Periods.” He uses the term “love vitamins” as a catchy, fun way to reference the need essential for our development as we go through each time period.
As we grow, we go through different time periods where certain love vitamins are vital for us to grow and stay true to our authentic selves. If we don’t eat enough of a vitamin corresponding to the love need of a time period, later on in life we may need to pop earlier love vitamins to satisfy the love needs that are almost empty.
Mars Venus Coaching has listed “The Ten Time Periods” as we see them; however, no one grows up through all ten time periods to maturity with all love needs completely fulfilled. As we progress through the time periods, we miss things to varying degrees and become wounded. We live on earth, not in a place where we’re already practicing perfection. Growing pains do not cease after puberty.
As we grow into our maturity, most of our dissatisfaction is not about the needs of the current time period. It’s due to not getting enough of what we need to fill up the other tanks. The growing pains of love increase dramatically as you foray away from the family you grew up amongst, as you attempt to find the right companion or spouse to live with for the rest of your life.
Let’s dive in to the ten time periods chart:
|Time Period||Love Vitamin||Love Need|
|1. Conception to birth||Vitamin G1||God’s love|
|2. Birth to seven||Vitamin P1||Parents’ love|
|3. Seven to fourteen||Vitamin F||Family, friends, & fun|
|4. Fourteen to twenty-one||Vitamin P2||Peers & others with similar goals|
|5. Twenty-one to twenty-eight||Vitamin S||Self-love|
|6. Twenty-eight to thirty-five||Vitamin R||Relationships & romance|
|7. Thirty-five to forty-two||Vitamin D||Loving a dependent|
|8. Forty-two to forty-nine||Vitamin C||Giving back to community|
|9. Forty-nine to fifty-six||Vitamin W||Giving back to the world|
|10. Fifty-six and beyond||Vitamin G2||Serving God|
Mars Venus believes when couples experience tension the root is neglecting to love and nurture their “self” first. Remember when the plane is going down, put the oxygen on yourself first so you don’t pass out before helping others. Once you’ve read through the ten time periods and their corresponding love tanks, it sounds and looks like common sense.
The first seven years of life are critical for parents to surround their children with love, safety, and security. These are the years where the more these basic needs are met by the parents, the more independent and autonomous (self-sufficient) the kids will be as they evolve through the different time periods. Parents often notice at about 7 years old their kids begin to be more independent and seek out the support from their friends and other family members, as they rely less on their parents for approval.
The next big changes are at puberty (around 14 years old) and around adolescence (around 21) when we’ve made the leap to being considered an adult. These stages are well-known to many people. It is the later stages that are not so well known or understood.
Following the same rhythm we go through big shifts in maturity every 7 years up until around our 60s. The challenge many of us face around 28 is learning life cannot be lived for anyone else. We have true to our inner self, by honoring our needs and deepest desires of self-expression. If we’re already in a marriage, statistics show this age to have the highest number of divorces.
If we are still looking for someone to fulfill our needs, instead of first filling our own love tanks up, then we can get stuck. We may feel as if something is missing, and we feel we don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship. What has happened or is happening is we’ve become disconnected from our true selves. This is why it is imperative to listen to your inner guidance, and live out your talents and your passionate purpose in life.
As we learn how to keep all of our love tanks full, we’re able to access our absolute potential. Around 60 you’re able to know yourself fully. It is at this stage you are able to express your full potential for the rest of your life by using your talents to serve people for God or what or whoever links you to everyone else. When you stop growing in your relationships, then you begin dying.
When you consistently listen to your inner guidance of when to take your love vitamins to fill love needs from previous time periods, you enable yourself to live life as your true self. You no longer feel as if something is missing, or you need someone to be fulfilled. At this point, when you can manage your intake of love vitamins, and stay connected with your deep desires—others will be attracted to you with the same qualities you expect of your “self.”
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations